I don't know where to start...
When someone been trough too much pains,
disappointments, sadness, stress, frustration, and a lot, we literally forget
what to say what to tell how to express when people ask you to be honest to your
own feelings. Conversely, sometimes we insomnia, trying very hard to fall asleep
but can't, feeling stress, that's the time all the real feelings popped out and
completely haunt you.
Yea I know everything happened so suddenly and I
don't even have the chances to stop it. It's not easy to face everything with a
smile, it's not easy to hide those feelings, it's not easy to be honest to
myself, it's not easy to tell someone where's the problem.
Count with my fingers, it's a actually have been 4
months plus. I don't even know how can I face these all things at one time but
time flies. Everything passed just like a blink of eye, without any realizing.
Feeling empty, not easy to handle. Anyway, I have already reach here. There's
no choice for me to choose to rest and give up. I have to stay strong and move
on.
It's really hard to deny this kind of feelings
like, when you saw someone has that thing you 'ever' had it
too.
It's kind of hurts. Probably not jealousy, just a
small envy. Because you can feel the feelings during you had it. Tears can't
express anything, so I didn't choose to cry.
Feeling really tired or even exhausted. Thinking of
why those unnecessary unluckiness always channels on me like what did I done am
I so doomed. Sometimes thinking that world is really unfair. Thinking of why I
need to fight hardly and forcefully to get something meanwhile some of them they
just put their hands up and they can get everything they
want.
I didn't blame.
I understand I'm having these situation since was
born til now. Seeing people being so ungrateful even already have it. I was born
to be a fighter, not claim justice for the world but fight for my own, my wants,
my needs.
Always been through this like of problems like
people keep on under delivering their promises. I'm too stupid and too quick to
believe those promises made by others. I really care about the promises made by
people, anyway I'm just too stupid to hurt myself to believe it. Promises are
like fart.
LIE.
A kind lie is a lie.
A small lie is a lie
.
A big lie is a lie.
Yes we don't like to be lied, so don't make
yourself telling lies as a habit. It hurts but only you don't
know.
But when it goes like this, what if you actually have to LIE to protect
yourself?
What if you have to LIE to cover everything that
you couldn't say?
What if you have to LIE to disguise your stress to
others?
Undeniably true, I'm facing these kind of situation
now. It's really uncomfortable to tell lies in the situation that you don't even
want to but you have to. Deep down in my heart I really apologize to them.
Someday I'll explain it all out.
Well, should I conclude that my teenage life is
officially ended?
Something terrible really happened. Right now my
friends and I were far apart. I really miss them, no words can express how much
I miss my friend.
Friends are my supporter.
Friends are my clown, they make me laugh.
Friends are my life lesson, they teach me.
Friends are my happiness.
I really miss how we used to laugh and gossip about
others. The moments we hangout and those times we celebrate each other birthday.
It's a really sweet memories can never be forgotten. I really hate that
something break us into far apart. I never doubt with my socialization ability
but it's more comfortable to stay with buddy aka best friends. New environment
really good but somehow you feel lonely though because we can't used to like
before.
There's nothing more to regret now. Think properly,
actually there's no any points and reasons make me go back to before. What I can
do is just carry on. Yes I do believe that all the good one is waiting for in
front. I'll just continue to fight and carry on. I want to show those look down
on me "I CAN". Someday I want to reunion with my best
buddies.
Yes indeed, life is hard. Life full of
difficulties. Life isn't easy.
But difficulties and hardship determines who you
are.
God puts those hardship higher and bigger than you
is to make you a better person.
Exodus
20:23
This bible verse actually tells me a lot. It's from
someone who really important to me in the past although now it's not anymore. I
cried when I read this bible verse. It tells me that how god send his angel you
guide you all way long on your journey. Praise the lord amen.
So I guess I'll stop til here .
Life story still continue. There's no end. Stay
tuned.
